so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
