All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
