Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
