I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I would ride that face into the sunset
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