When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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