someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
