I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
