i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
