It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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