thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
