I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
