I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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