girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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