do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
