I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
