did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
