I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
