last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
