My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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