If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
