tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
