Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
