sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
