drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
