There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
