shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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