dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
