I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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