There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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