Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize