cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
