Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
