Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
