you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
