I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
