kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize