You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
