Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my being single is dangerous.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
