we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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