I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
