I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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