I haven't been this sober since birth.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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