It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
