last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
