I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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