you turned your livingroom into a bong?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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