I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
