We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
