Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
