i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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