I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
