Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize