I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
