OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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