Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
