i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
