and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
