i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize