just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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