They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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