I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
