I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
