So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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