He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
