If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
