How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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