I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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