i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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