Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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