pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize
