Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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