You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
