that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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