I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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